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Monday, December 8, 2008

The road not taken

When I'm working, God is usually the last time on my mind. It's just the truth since I'm always running around from 8:30-5:30. I guess it was Tue or Wed of this past week that I was setting up for a procedure and I thought, "The Lord IS my shepherd and I shall not want." Talk about stopping you in your tracks. Craig & I had discussed a few weeks back about how people easily don't understand how you can't want because God takes care of all of your needs & you won't want for anything else.

Everyone knows what my true hearts desire is and I know that God knows it too.

I hope that my heart is leading me correctly when I say that I don't think we are going to need medical intervention to get pregnant. After my RE not being as optimistic as my OB/Gyn about the endo causing our infertility, I really had to think about things. I do believe that God is going to give my baby one way or the other. Right now, I pray that child comes from my womb. Craig is still going to do his semen analysis so that we can *hopefully* hear that his counts have recovered. I know that the plan for us can change & we might need medical intervention. But I think right now, we are just going to go the natural route & see what happens. I'm almost convinced in my mind to put treatments on the back burner for another year. So we back to charting, temping, vitamins, and OPK's!

So please pray for me that I am indeed following the path that I should be.

It still doesn't mean that things are easy for me. This evening was a bad one for me, the empty tugging sensation, that not everyone experiences. It's to be expected with the Hoildays approaching and babies are becoming abundant once again. Jana & Courtenay both had baby boys with in the past week, Joy should be snuggling with her new son by now as long as the birth mom followed through with her adoption plans, and Lauren is due to evict Rory in the near future. It's no ones fault, it's just a sadness that creeps up on me every now & then.

2 comments:

Candi said...

Monica even though I haven't been trying near as long as you have I do know the feeling of the empty tugging sensation. I know that God will give both of us babies one way or another.
Listen to your heart. If your heart is telling you to hold off on the medical intervention then go with it. God will make what is intended to be happen. Just remember he doesn't lead you to a path if he isn't going to lead you through it.
I have to tell you that I think you are one of the strongest ladies I know. Every time I am down and out about this baby business I remind myself of all that you have been through and how strong you are and it makes me realize I need to be just as strong as you. So you are an inspiration.
Things are looking up...here is to 2009 :)

KlancyA said...

Chill bumps, that's what I have on my arms right now. I believe that God is hearing our prays for your little bundle of joy. I'm gonna keep praying down her for ya girlie! Hang in there. Love you!